


The Third Rule

by mrmmzep



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/M, Headcanon, Kissing, Missing Scene, Multiple Orgasms, My First Smut, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV Male Character, Sexual Tension, Smut, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrmmzep/pseuds/mrmmzep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of what happens between Jake and Amy on their first date. Four-drink Amy can be a bit of a perv, but Jake takes it like a champ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Third Rule

“Look, look! Check this out!” Amy eagerly tugged on Jake’s arm to call his attention to the work she had been doing on the vegetable garnish of one of their shared plates. She beamed proudly and revealed her creation: a pickle with two olives carefully arranged in the shape of a penis.

“Oh, Santiago. You’re so immature when you’re drunk.”

The waitress breezed by their table and removed the last of their empty shot glasses. Amy had thrown back the first two like water, and so Jake thought that ordering food might be a good idea. The effects of the last shot were starting to wash over him, and from Amy’s wide-eyed grin, he guessed it had gone to work on her too.

Jake shook his head with an exaggerated sigh. “You call that art? _This_ is art.” He indicated his own plate, where he had delicately sculpted two large breasts out of their sweet potato mash. Perched on top were capers for nipples.

“Now this—this is refined,” he assured her.

She nodded slowly. “Impressive. But I think it’s missing something.” She bit her lip to hold back a laugh, picked up the small bowl of aioli _,_ and poured it over his creation. She giggled mercilessly, unable to contain it.

“Amy! Is that…? Well I have no idea what that is, because I’m a _gentleman_.”

“Oh, don’t be a prude!” She insisted, still smiling as if she had won a bet.

Jake’s jaw dropped. He held it open as he shoveled some of the aioli-covered mash into his mouth, enjoying it thoroughly.

This sent Amy on another giggle fit and Jake couldn’t help but join her. He struggled not to choke on his food.

Amy picked up the pickle that was formerly her art exhibit. She kept her eyes on Jake while she wrapped her lips around the pickle and pushed it slowly into her mouth.

Jake’s eyes bulged. He had underestimated how vulgar four-drink Amy could be. And of course he couldn’t help but visualize the image she was suggesting. His pants were suddenly uncomfortable and he shifted in his seat. She was giving him a mock-serious look that he couldn’t help but see as serious-serious and it made his palms sweat.

“I see you were so impressed with my art that you had to eat yours in shame,” he said, stammering only briefly.

“ _Your_ art? That was a collaborative piece.” Her mouth was still full of pickle.

“You wish you could take credit! But if you remember, I did most of the work.”

Amy swallowed and her eyes lit up with an idea. “’I Did Most of the Work’ – title of your sex tape. Ha!” She slammed her hand down on the table.

“I’m not sure how to feel about that. I guess it means I keep pushing until the job is done,” Jake coughed, wondering if maybe he had taken the joke past an imaginary line.

Amy let out a chuckle that almost seemed nervous. _Did he make her nervous?_

She certainly made him nervous. All day he had been frantic thinking about their upcoming date. He was terrified that all the build up might fall flat once they removed all the obstacles. He was terrified they’d have nothing to talk about. That it would be awkward and uncomfortable. But almost immediately, the awkwardness melted away. They were back to being Jake and Amy, as always. Grinning like dorks over nothing. Just being together. The alcohol probably helped.

The conversation drifted back into safe territory, and they finished their dinner while they talked about their families. Jake asked Amy about how often she saw her brothers and Amy asked Jake about what his grandmother was like. He couldn’t help but notice the way she leaned closer to him as he talked, or the way she was smiling a lot more than usual.

It was so easy to talk to her. It scared him a little. He wasn’t used to revealing so much of himself so fast, but it felt good. It felt especially good when he made her laugh. His body felt numb with excitement. _Or was that the alcohol?_

The waitress came by and put the bill on the table, apologizing for interrupting their conversation. Jake looked around and saw that most of the restaurant had cleared out.

“Oh,” he said to Amy, “I didn’t realize it was getting so late.”

“I guess we should get out of here,” she said, almost as a question.

Jake insisted on paying the bill. The meal was pricier than his usual dinner—large pizza for one—but he was not interested in his financial responsibilities tonight. He was more concerned with the exquisite creature who seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers.

Once outside the restaurant, they shared a nervous moment as they stood on the steps, each waiting for direction from the other.

Jake smiled at her, a little uncertain. “I don’t really want this night to be over yet.”

“Me neither,” she smiled back.

“Do you want to get a drink somewhere?”

“I’ve got some beer at my place,” she offered.

Jake raised his eyebrows, and Amy started rambling in that way that she did when she was trying play it cool.

“Just… because it’s convenient. I mean, I’m not suggesting _that_.” She looked everywhere except at him.” It’s totally not what you think it is. We have a Rule so nothing’s going to happen.”

“Right,” he chimed in, going along with her. “The Rule.”

“And in fact, you know, it’s because of The Rule that makes it OK. No expectations.”

“None at all,” he nodded firmly. “Just a light and breezy, non-sexual, cozy party for two.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” She tucked her hair behind both ears. Jake stared at her half in disbelief and half in awe. _She was actually into him._ The thought made him feel like the ground suddenly dropped several feet below him.

After some silence, Amy finally spoke. “My place isn’t too far. We can take a cab.”

***

Jake hailed a cab and Amy gave the driver her address. The driver asked them how their night was going.

“Oh, it’s been a riot so far,” Jake told him, “this is my cousin, Sam. I’m taking her out for a good time because it’s her first night out of the joint.”

“Oh really? What were you in for?”

Amy jumped right into character. “Smugglin’ drugs. They caught me with a pound of cocaine in a place where ya don’t normally invite company to. That’s the last time I do a favor for uncle Jack!”

“You know my pop would cut off his own son’s nut sack to get you out of a bind, if it would help,” he sighed heavily, “he loves you more than me.”

“Oh Mikey, that’s not true. Although he might _like_ me more. It’s probably because you’re always fishin’ for somethin’.” Amy tapped the tip of his nose with her finger.

“I don’t do that anymore,” then softer, “hey, by the way, can I crash on your couch tonight?”

“What?!”

“C’mon, just for the night. Jasper kicked me out this morning after he caught me liftin’ from his stash.”

“Jesus, Mikey,” she paused for effect. “Alright, you get one night, but in exchange you need to do something for me.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “What?”

“You’re gonna make me breakfast.”

“Fine.” He bit back a smirk. “How do ya like your eggs?”

“Poached,” she said, without hesitation.

“You would,” he turned up his nose, “poachin’ your eggs like you poach your men!”

“Who I do or don’t poach is none of ya business, so lay off. Or you’re sleepin’ on the floor!”

Jake watched the way Any’s dark eyes glowed as she leaned into Sam’s character. There was something about the way she played with him, the way her mouth tugged up at the corners even when she was acting angry. He pretended to pout.

“Aw, Mikey. It’s OK. You can have the couch.”

She pat his leg in a mock-affectionate way, but it was almost possible she was serious-affectionate. Maybe she was playing. Or maybe she was still a little drunk.

For the thousandth time that day, he thought about kissing her. He stopped himself for the sake of their driver. Instead, he took her hand and rubbed her palm with his thumb. Her eyes fluttered and she looked down at their intertwined hands. When she looked back up at him, her eyes were heavier than he’d ever seen them. Even heavier than when they kissed for the first time. The first _real_ time. He took in a breath and held it.

“This must be an exciting night for you,” The driver broke through their thoughts but their gazes held firm. “It’s still not that late, and there are plenty of places open. I could recommend a few.” Jake continued to stroke her palm. He saw her visibly swallow a lump in her throat.

“It’s OK, we’ve been drinking since noon,” she said. Her voice was smaller, now.

The driver laughed. “Celebrating like pros! Good for you two.”

Amy took her other hand and placed it on his leg in a for-sure-serious way. She stroked his thigh a little and made him feel like this ride would not be over fast enough.

He looked down briefly to watch the movements of her hand, and then he returned to her eyes. A flicker of street light swept across her face and illuminated it just long enough for him to catch her biting her lip.

He breathed out quietly as he brought his other hand to her face to cup it. He caressed her neck with his fingers, all the while her heavy eyes kept him pinned.

Amy scooted a little closer to him. She moved her hand up to wrap around his waist, underneath his blazer. She squeezed him gently and his heart rate jumped.

Time crawled as they sat there staring at one another, their hands feeding each other silent encouragement. For a moment he wondered why the driver wasn’t saying anything and if he had noticed these supposed cousins in his back fondling each other.

She moved her face toward him; she was just centimeters away. The hand he had on her neck was now rubbing a little more vigorously. A little more desperately.

He brushed his thumb lightly over her bottom lip and she gave it a tiny kiss. Her lips sent a charge from his hand straight to his stomach. His thumb came down over her chin and he gave in to the pull of her lips and kissed her. It was brief, but she quickly repeated the gesture. Each kiss was short, but grew deeper. Their lips parted and soon there was no pause between kisses.

His entire body felt like liquid fire as he explored her mouth. All day he had played their earlier kiss over in his head. It ended way too quickly. Every time he looked at her he felt an urge to grab her and finish what they started. The reality of her body in his arms and her lips against his crushed him like a waterfall.

Her arms were on his chest and around his waist. She poked a finger between the buttons of his shirt and gently tickled his skin. He had to break the kiss to catch his breath. His forehead rested against hers and he looked down, unable to look her in the eyes. He was afraid of what he might see looking back at him. Or what he might reveal if he looked at her.

She started the kisses again. The short, slow kisses that sped up light a freight train. Jake brought both hands to her face and started running his fingers through her hair. Her mouth was hot and wet and he could not get his body close enough to hers.

The driver coughed to get their attention. “I believe this is you guys.”

Jake and Amy broke away from each other and looked at the driver like they had both just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Jake’s senses were scrambled. All he could feel was the electric current that ran between their separated lips.

“Great, thanks!” Amy finally said after some silence. She gave the driver some money and they moved to get out of the car.

“Hey,” said the driver, “I just want to say: what you’re doing is fine by me. Don’t let anyone tell you who you can and can’t love.”

They exchanged looks. “That’s mighty sweet of you, sir,” Amy told him just before they got out and shut the door. They watched the cab drive away.

Jake was a bit too stunned to speak. He was pretty sure if he tried, nothing coherent would come out anyway. He reached for her hand because he needed to touch her again.

“So. Um,” Amy cleared her throat, “do you still want to come up?”

Jake was frozen. His grin was wider than his face.

“Jake?”

“Yes... Yes. Yes, I would.”

She led him by the hand upstairs to her apartment. The walk up was quiet. He watched her body move gracefully under her dress. He couldn’t help but study the dress for the best process of removal, and then had to shake away the thought. _Just a light and breezy nightcap. Drink a beer. Maybe talk or watch a movie. Whatever._

She got to her door and fumbled a little with her keys. As he watched her he felt that pull again. Electromagnetism. He put his hands around her waist and kissed the back of her neck. She stopped what she was doing for a moment, closed her eyes, and leaned back into him. His hands rubbed along her arms. She focused on her keys again, this time working a little more furiously.

“Got it,” she whispered as she opened the door. Once inside, she pulled Jake in and pushed him against the wall, closing the door behind them.

Their bodies slammed into each other and their mouths met again like they were never apart. His hands wrapped around her, tangled in her hair and gripping her dress.

“Just to be clear,” Amy said, interrupting their kiss. Jake’s eyes were still closed. “We’re still not breaking any rules. This isn’t sex.”

Jake blinked a few times. “Right. I wouldn’t presume! I knew this wasn’t sex.” He was already kissing her again while he talked. “I know what sex is.”

“Good,” Amy breathed between kisses. “As long as we're clear.”

Her hands were roaming again under his blazer. She undid the top button of his shirt so she could reach her hand beneath it. Jake sighed as she did.

His hands roamed, too. He brought them up from her sides and rubbed his thumbs along the side of her breasts. When he didn’t get any protests, he brushed his thumbs along the front of her breasts, feeling her nipples stiffen beneath her dress. She let out a soft moan, and his mouth swallowed it.

It was getting difficult to hide how badly he wanted her. She pressed her full body against him and ran one of her legs up the side of his. He was officially hard and she was up against it wanting more. His heart pounded. His kisses were steadily losing focus so he kissed his way down her neck. He licked and sucked her, moving around and seeking out just the right spot that made her grip him tightly.

Amy was taking short, shallow breaths now. Jake desperately wanted to touch her skin, but the only way through was down and under her dress. _Was that OK according to The Rule?_

He brought a hesitant hand down to touch her inner thigh. He caressed it slowly for a moment and gave her plenty of time to stop him. Then he moved up, pushing up her dress with his hand. He reached her underwear and lightly brushed a finger over the outside. She took in a sharp breath and caught his gaze. She looked a little stunned and ever so beautiful. He rubbed his finger back and forth slowly, feeling her heat. She was soaking just behind that cotton fabric.

“Touch me. I want you to feel how wet I am for you.” Jake swallowed. He pushed her underwear to the side and slid a finger inside her. She gasped and closed her eyes.

He put a hand on her cheek. “Look at me.” He had no idea where he dug up the composure to say that.

She opened her eyes and his finger entered her again. Then another. Her mouth was open and she rocked her hips, trying to feel more of him. She let out a shaky “Oh,” then another, and another. As she quickened the pace of her hips, he took his fingers away. Amy stared at him with some frustration. He half-smiled, surprised that he had that much of an effect on her.

Jake couldn’t decide if he should continue. His judgment was foggy and he was hoping Amy would make the right decision for them. They stood there, fully clothed, trying read each other’s eyes and clinging to whatever rational thinking capacity they had left.

After a moment, Jake watched Amy unbutton the rest of his shirt. She worked slowly and with precision. _So much for good decisions._ Jake took off his blazer as she continued. When his shirt was open, she started slowly kissing his chest, making her way from one nipple to the other. Jake braced himself against the wall. His breathing became short and erratic.

Amy started to play with his pants. His belt was in the way so she removed it slowly. She looked at him again as she reached under his pants to touch his erection. His jaw hung open for a moment, then he closed his eyes and gently banged his head back against the wall, groaning quietly.

“Look at me,” she said. He laughed, lightly, but obeyed.

She took her hand out to unbutton and unzip his pants and drop them to the floor. She slipped her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and delicately teased his skin. He felt her small fingers wrap around him. He sucked in air through his teeth but held her gaze. Her fingers moved with agonizing slowness. He reached his hand to her face to pull her closer and kiss her. His lips and tongue matched the slow rhythm of her fingers.

She broke away from his kiss and then in an instant she was down, in front of his cock. She pulled his boxers down and took the length of him in her mouth.

“Oh, fuck…” She felt incredible. She slid her wet mouth over him slowly back and forth. He clenched his thighs and tried not to think about the intensity of this moment – her tongue dancing around him. He tried not to think of being inside her.

Her hands grabbed his ass so she could get a better grip on him. She pulled him deeper and deeper as she took him in and out of her mouth. He started panting. Her movements became faster and faster and for a moment he thought she might finish him off right there. Before he could warn her, she let go and came back up to greet him.

“Hi,” he said. Then, without an ounce of swagger, “That wasn’t sex.”

“Nope. Not even close.”

Her eyes were determined and it knocked him off balance. She grabbed him and kissed him again. The kiss was sloppy and desperate. They were both hanging off the edge and their mouths pulled at each other in an effort to hold on to something.

Amy playfully tickled his neck as she whispered into his ear, “Let’s go and not have sex in the bedroom.”

Jake, being in no position to argue, dutifully nodded.

Amy led the way. As she walked, she pulled her dress up over her head and revealed her matching satin underwear. _As if she couldn’t get any sexier._ She quickly removed those, too, and lay on the bed, beckoning him.

Her body was exquisite. He drank in her sun-kissed skin and her impossible curves. She leaned back slightly on her hands, her elbows jutting out in the most perfect Santiago style.

He tried to breezily remove his socks but made an awkward show of it. The sound of her laugh made it worth it.

Jake followed her onto the bed. He hovered over her, his body just barely touching hers, their eyes locked. In the warm light of her bedroom, he could see gold in her eyes.

“No sex,” she reaffirmed.

“I don’t even want to,” he assured her. She reached down and stroked his cock. He gasped.

“Liar.”

He kissed her fiercely. He reached down to touch her again and feel how wet she was. She broke away from their kiss and moaned loudly.

Using his other arm for support, he leaned down to kiss her chest just between her breasts. He worked his way slowly to one breast, teasing around it with his tongue while his finger hovered just beyond her clit, touching her everywhere except where she ached for him.

“Oh, Jake, _please_ ,” she moaned. She wasn’t holding back anymore and it unraveled him. He touched her everywhere at once. He slid his fingers inside her while his mouth took in her breast, his tongue swirling and sucking.

She was calling out his name with increasing desperation. That sound would be burned in his brain for days, haunting his every waking hour. He thought she sounded close so he pulled away. She screamed.

He paused and tenderly stroked his hand on her stomach. He watched her expression, looking for any indication that they were ready to stop things or at least slow them down, and keep their Third Rule intact. But he only saw hunger.

She brought her hips up and he felt her wetness on his cock, sliding back and forth along his length. Her pace was slow with intensity and desire. He felt her dripping all over him and he started to moan, too. He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to feel more of her. He wanted to feel her forever.

She moved her hips in a circle, coating him from every angle. She tilted herself up and slid his tip inside her, moving up and down just a little. He looked at her but his vision was blurred. He was so close and he wasn’t even inside her yet.

He pulled himself away. He had to close his eyes and take a deep breath to try and regulate his heart rate.

“I want you,” she said. And that was that. No convincing needed.

Looking at her again, he was a little unsure of how to ask his next question. “I, uh… don’t want to have your babies, yet. Maybe we should…?”

“Yet?” She teased.

He panicked, not realizing what he had said. “Um, I mean not ever,” he stuttered, “I never want to have your babies. Gross.” And then he scoffed.

She smirked. “Let me get something.” Reaching over into her nightstand, she grabbed a condom and tore it open. Amy pulled the condom over him and used her hands to guide him back to his former position.

He moved along her slowly, teasing her. She bit her lip and he needed to kiss it, to bite it, too. Their tongues tangled in hungry fury. Her legs wrapped around him and she lifted herself up, pulling him inside her. They both screamed. He pulled back with maddening slowness. She was so wet he slid into her again and again easily. The noises she made each time he moved inside her were dizzying. She was stunning.

He had to move slowly. With each thrust, he took a moment to regain some composure. It wasn’t helping much. He could feel sweat forming on the back of his neck.

“Oh, Jake,” she moaned, as he thrust again. Her moans grew louder and louder and he moved his hips faster. She started moving against him feverishly and he felt her tighten around him. He closed his eyes and braced himself, trying to hold on as she shook through her orgasm.

Amy’s body trembled beneath him and then she slowly came back to him.

“Did you…?”

He shook his head. “Not yet.” His skin felt hot everywhere.

“Well, then I’ll have to fix that.” She wrapped a leg around him and rolled him onto his back, keeping him inside her as she did.

She sat up and straddled him. Her hair was slightly damp and hung around her in clumps. Her lipstick was mostly rubbed off but there were some stray smears left. The sight of her shook him to his core. She looked amazing. Everything else around him was gone and she was all that was left. It was like a meditation of Amy. Or what he assumed meditation must be like, if he could ever figure it out.

“You are gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. I don’t know—” She cut him off with another slow, deep kiss, her tongue relentlessly reaching into his mouth like he was her oxygen.

Her hands massaged his chest, his shoulders, his neck. She started rocking her hips again. Her movements intensified, and she thrust against him roughly and deeply. As her pace quickened, she started moaning again.

He held onto her hips as she grinded back and forth. She wanted to make it impossible for him to make this last. Amy threw her head back and he felt her spill out over him again. The feeling of her coming around him a second time was too much. He couldn’t hold back any more. He groaned and screamed and held her as tight as he could while their bodies slammed against each other.

They were both gasping for air. His entire body felt numb and shaky. He looked into her eyes and held her face, then played with her hair. They were both grinning again.

She rolled over and lay beside him.

“So,” he said, “we broke a rule.”

“Yeah. Hope it wasn’t a mistake.”

“’Hope It Wasn’t a Mistake’ – title of your sex tape.” He gasped. “Title of _our_ sex tape!”

**Author's Note:**

> Of course this is where my mind immediately went. This has been sitting in my head and on my computer for a while, so I had to get it out into the world. And this is my first attempt at this smut thing, so I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
